I haven’t posted on here in a long, long time. Frankly, it wasn’t an important part of my life anymore. I had people to talk to about my problems…but I just lost one of the most important ones.
Dan. If words could express how your loss has hit me…i still would not be able to express how much it hurts to know that when I go see a movie, you won’t be there anymore. To know that everytime i see that dirty old truck in the parking lot, you wont be driving it anymore. It literally brings me to tears. Sorry, i know what you’d say “stop crying jackass. i’m okay”, with that old smirk on your face, and you probably are…but that doesn’t mean i dont wish you were still here.
You were an inspiration to me when we worked together. We used to talk about everything. I remember telling you how excited I was for Emma to be born, and you said “anyone that loves their niece the way you do is going to be a great dad”. That meant so much to me. I never said anything, but the way you said certain things, with your “eh, screw it” attitude. You always felt so confident in everything you did, was something I envied greatly. I wish i had that confidence in myself. You always tried teaching me to, but i never listened haha.
I remember the couple of scraps we got in together when we worked together. Like the time that guy told me to fuck off and we both escorted his ass out of the theater. Good times. I remember our conversations about faith, family, love, loss, and most importantly, respect. You taught me to respect people in a different way than I have ever respected people before. You taught me that even when things are at their hardest, and I’m about to give up…not to. You literally made me stronger both mentally, emotionally, and physically. You taught me it was okay to cry in front of people you care about. It shows your strong enough not to care.
"you know what bob, i’ll tell ya…" Whenever you started off a phrase with that line, i knew i was in for a treat. Whether it was an old story about your late, first wife, your kids, a fight, a job, money, I always had a great laugh or learned something from you WHENEVER you started a sentence like that. Boy do i miss those stories. Don’t forget, you promised me when I turned 21 we’d go out together for a beer…I’m gonna hold you to it.
I’m sorry i never came to visit you when your cancer got really bad…I wanted to, but honestly…you’d been okay every time before that…i thought you’d be okay again. I truly did…i was so confident you’d be okay…and that i’d see your overwhelmingly loving face one more time…and i was wrong. I was so very wrong. I am so sorry. Dan, I am SO Sorry..if you never forgave me I’d understand. I’ll never fully forgive myself. I am so uncontrollably sorry that I cannot stop thinking about it.
There is a spot for you in my heart that no one else has ever had. A mentor, a best friend, a brother, an idol. You were a truly great man who unfortunately got put through a rough life…but i know in heaven you’re celebrating the end of that journey with your first wife, patiently waiting until the day comes when you can introduce her to your incredible 2nd wife Patty. I know they’ll get along just fine and you’ll love having the two loves of your life living eternally by your side. One day I”ll be up there and you can buy me that beer you promised<3
I Love You Dan…I Promise I’ll watch over Patty…You have my word! and I know what you’d say. “I’ll tell ya what bob…thanks you asshole”.
No, thank you Dan. For the care, generosity, life lessons, hugs, hand shakes, quality time, reassurements that I can do whatever I want, but most importantly, thank you for the love you gave me…even when I felt alone in the world, you and patty were there for me. I Love You So Much Dan. The canteen you gave me is sitting next to me right next to me. I will cherish it until the moment I pass on. You have my word.
Rest In Peace Dan. You may be gone, and as cliche’ as it gets you will never be forgotten and will always be in my heart.
"Ascend may you find no resistance. Know that you made such a difference and all you leave behind will live ‘til the end. The cycle of suffering goes on but the memories of you stay strong. Someday I too will fly and find you again. Let the wind carry you home. Blackbird fly away. May you never be broken agian"- Alter Bridge, Blackbird.
Rest In Peace Dan<3
Love, Your jackass,
If I left tomorrow, would anybody care?
Stuck in this sorrow, can’t go nowhere